All In The Timing
by Silver Sheilds
Summary: You are about to enter a different dimension, one that contists of comedy, hilarity, and randomness. It's all in the timing. Based on the play by David Ives. Slightly rewritten. Rated T for language, use of alcohol, and sexual references.
1. Sure Thing

**All In The Timing**

**Chapter 1: Sure Thing**

Disclaimer: All Sonic characters belong to Sega, and the original play All In The Timing belongs to David Ives, I've only rewritten it slightly just to fit the Sonic crew in it. So here it is.

_Amy is reading at a cafe table. An empty chair is opposite of her. A bell is on the table, and every time this bell rings, an event is repaeted, only in a different way as if to make the situation worse or better for the person who rings it. Sonic enters._

Sonic: Excuse me. Is this chair taken?  
Amy: Excuse me?  
Sonic: Is this taken?  
Amy: Yes it is.  
Sonic: Oh. Sorry.  
Amy: Sure thing

_(Sonic rings the bell softly)_

Sonic: Excuse me. Is this chair taken?  
Amy: Excuse me?  
Sonic: Is this taken?  
Amy: No, but I'm expecting somebody in a minute.  
Sonic: Oh. Thanks anyway.  
Amy: Sure thing.

_(Sonic rings the bell softly)_

Sonic: Excuse me. Is this chair taken?  
Amy: No, but I'm expecting somebody very shortly.  
Sonic: Would you mind if I sit here till he or she or it comes?  
Amy: They do seem to be pretty late…  
Sonic: You never know who you might be turning down.  
Amy: Sorry. Nice try, though. Sonic: Sure thing.

_(Sonic rings bell)_

Sonic: Is this seat taken?  
Amy: No, it's not.  
Sonic: Would you mind if I sit here?  
Amy: Uh, yeah.  
Sonic: Oh.

_(Sonic rings bell)_

Sonic: Is this chair taken?  
Amy: No it's not.  
Sonic: Would you mind if I sit here?  
Amy: No. Go ahead.  
Sonic: Thanks. Everyplace else seems to be taken.  
Amy: Mm-hm.  
Sonic: Great place.  
Amy: Mm-hm.  
Sonic: What's the book?  
Amy: I just wanted to read in quiet, if you don't mind.  
Sonic: No. Sure thing.

_(Sonic rings bell)_

Sonic: Everyplace else seems to be taken.  
Amy: Mm-hm.  
Sonic: Great place for reading.  
Amy: Yes, I like it.  
Sonic: What's the book?  
Amy: _The Sound and the Fury_.  
Sonic: Oh. Hemingway.

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: What's the book?  
Amy: _The Sound and the Fury_.  
Sonic: Oh. Faulkner.  
Amy: Have you read it?  
Sonic: No! I've sure read about it, though. It's supposed to be great.  
Amy: It is great.  
Sonic: I hear it's great...Waiter!

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: What's the book?  
Amy: The Sound and the Fury.  
Sonic: Oh. Faulkner.  
Amy: Have you read it?  
Sonic: I'm a Mets fan myself.

_(Amy rings bell)_

Amy: Have you read it?  
Sonic: Yeah, I read it in college.  
Amy: Where was college?  
Sonic: I was lying. I never really went to college. I just like to party.

_(Sonic starts acting like a maniac as Amy rings the bell. Sonic sits back down.)_

Amy: Where was college?  
Sonic: I went to Oral Roberts University

_(Amy rings bell)_

Amy: Where was college?  
Sonic: ITT Tech!

_(Amy rings bell)_

Amy: Where was college?  
Sonic: Metro!

_(Amy rings bell)_

Amy: Where was college?  
Sonic: Harvard.  
Amy: Do you like Faulkner?  
Sonic: I love Faulkner. I spent a whole winter reading him once.  
Amy: I've just started,  
Sonic: I was so excited after the first ten pages that I went out and bought everything else he wrote. One of the greatest reading experiences of my life. I mean, all that incredible psychological understanding. Page after page of gorgeous prose. His profound grasp on the mystery of time and human existence. The smells of the earth…What do you think?  
Amy: I think it's pretty boring.

_(Sonic rings bell)_

Sonic: What's the book?  
Amy: _The Sound and the Fury_.  
Sonic: Oh! Faulkner!  
Amy: Do you like Faulkner?  
Sonic: I love Faulkner.  
Amy: He's incredible.  
Sonic: I spent a whole winter reading him once.  
Amy: I was so excited after the first ten pages that I went out and bought  
everything else he wrote.  
Sonic: All that incredible psychological understanding.  
Amy: And the prose is so gorgeous.  
Sonic: And the way he's grasped the mystery of time--  
Amy: --and human existence.

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: --and the smells of the earth

_(Amy rings bell)_

Amy: I can't believe I've waited this long to read him.  
Sonic: You never know. You might not have liked him before.  
Amy: That's true.  
Sonic: You might not have been ready for him. You have to hit these things at the right moment or it's no good.  
Amy: That's happened to me.  
Sonic: It's all in the timing. My name's Sonic, by the way.  
Amy: I'm Amy.  
Sonic: Hi.  
Amy: Hi.  
Sonic: Yes, I thought reading Faulkner was…a great experience.  
Amy: Yes.  
Sonic: _The Sound and the Fury_…  
Amy: Well. Onwards and upwards.  
Sonic: Waiter--?

_(Sonic rings bell)_

Sonic: You have to hit these things at the right moment or it's no good.  
Amy: That's happened to me.  
Sonic: It's all in the timing. My name's Bill, by the way.  
Amy: I'm Betty.  
Sonic: Hi.  
Amy: Hi.  
Sonic: Do you come in here a lot?  
Amy: Actually I'm just in town for two days from Pakistan.  
Sonic: Oh. Pakistan.

_(Sonic rings bell)_

Sonic: My name's Sonic, by the way.  
Amy: I'm Amy.  
Sonic: Hi.  
Amy: Hi.  
Sonic: Do you come in here a lot?  
Amy: Every once in awhile. Do you?  
Sonic: Not so much anymore. Not as much as I used to. Before my nervous  
breakdown.

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: Do you come in here a lot?  
Amy: Why are you asking?  
Sonic: Just interested.  
Amy: Are you really interested, or do you just want to pick me up?  
Sonic: No, I'm really interested.  
Amy: Why would you be interested in whether I come in here a lot?  
Sonic: I'm just…getting acquainted.  
Amy: Maybe you're only interested for the sake of making small talk long  
enough to ask me back to your place to listen to some music, or because you've just rented this great tape for your VCR, or because you've got some terrific unknown Crush 40 album, only all you really want to do is have wild sex, which you won't do very well-after which you'll go into the bathroom and pee very loudly, then pad into the kitchen and get yourself a beer from the refrigerator without asking me if I'd like anything, and then you'll proceed to lie back down and confess that you've got a girlfriend named Stephanie who's away at medical school in Belgium for a year, and that you've been involved with her-off and on-in what you'll call a very intricate relationship for the past seven YEARS! None of which interests me, mister!  
Sonic: Okay.

_(Sonic rings bell)_

Sonic: Do you come in here a lot?  
Amy: Every other day, I think.  
Sonic: I come in here quite a lot and I don't remember seeing you.  
Amy: I guess we must be on different schedules.  
Sonic: Missed connections.  
Amy: Yes. Different time zones.  
Sonic: Amazing how you can live right next door to somebody in this town and never even know it.  
Amy: I know.  
Sonic: City life.  
Amy: It's crazy.  
Sonic: We probably pass each other in the street everyday. Right in front of this place, probably.  
Amy: Yep.  
Sonic: Well the waiters here sure seem to be in some different time zone, I can't seem to locate one anywhere…Waiter! So what do you--  
Amy: I beg your pardon?  
Sonic: Nothing. Sorry.

_(Sonic rings bell)_

Amy: I guess we must be on different schedules.  
Sonic: Missed connections.  
Amy: Yes. Different time zones.  
Sonic: Amazing how you can live right next door to somebody in this town and never even know it.  
Amy: I know.  
Sonic: City life..  
Amy: It's crazy.  
Sonic: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?  
Amy: Actually I was.  
Sonic: Oh. Boyfriend?  
Amy: Sort of.  
Sonic: What's a sort of boyfriend?  
Amy: My husband.

(Amy shows off her ring finger to Sonic)

Sonic: Ah-ha.

_(Sonic rings bell)_

Sonic: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?  
Amy: Actually I was.  
Sonic: Oh. Boyfriend?  
Amy: Sort of.  
Sonic: What's a sort of boyfriend? Amy: We were waiting here to break up.

_(Amy starts crying and Sonic rings the bell, Amyy immediately stops crying)_

Sonic: What's a sort of boyfriend?  
Amy: My lover. Here she comes right now!

_(Sonic quickly rings the bell before anyone can come in)_

Sonic: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?  
Amy: No, just reading.  
Sonic: Sort of a sad occupation for a Friday night, isn't it? Reading here all by yourself?  
Amy: Do you think so?  
Sonic: Well sure. What's a good-looking woman like you doing out alone on a Friday night ?  
Amy: Trying to keep away from lines like that.  
Sonic: No, listen-- (Amy rings b_ell)_ I was..just… _(Amy rings bell)_ Please….

_(Amy rings bell three times) _

Sonic: You weren't waiting for somebody when I came in, were you?  
Amy: No, just reading.  
Sonic: Sort of a sad occupation for a Friday night, isn't it? Reading here all by yourself?  
Amy: I guess it is, in a way.  
Sonic: What's a good-looking woman like you doing out alone on a Friday night anyway? No offense, but…  
Amy: I'm out alone on a Friday night for the first time in a very long time.  
Sonic: Oh.  
Amy: You see, I just ended a relationship.  
Sonic: Oh.  
Amy: Of rather long standing.  
Sonic: I'm sorry. Well listen, since reading by yourself is such a sad occupation for a Friday night, would you like to go elsewhere?  
Amy: No…  
Sonic: Do something else?  
Amy: No thanks.  
Sonic: I was headed out to the movies in a little while anyway.  
Amy: I don't think so.  
Sonic: Big chance to let Faulkner catch his breath. All those long sentences get him pretty tired.  
Amy: Thanks anyway.  
Sonic: Okay.  
Amy: I appreciate the invitation.  
Sonic: Sure thing.

_(Sonic rings bell)_

Sonic: You weren't waiting for someone when I came in, were you?  
Amy: No, just reading.  
Sonic: Sort of a sad occupation for a Friday night, isn't it? Reading here all by yourself?  
Amy: I guess I was trying to think of it as existentially romantic. You know-cappuccino, great literature, rainy night…  
Sonic: That only works in Paris. We could hope the late plane to Paris. Get on a Concorde. Find a café…  
Amy: I'm a little short of plane fare tonight.  
Sonic: Damn it, so am I.  
Amy: To tell you the truth, I was headed out to the movies after I finished this section. Would you like to come along? Since you can't locate a waiter?  
Sonic: That's a very nice offer, but…  
Amy: Uh-huh. Girlfriend?  
Sonic: Two, actually. One of them's pregnant, and Stephanie--

_(Amy rings bell)_

Amy: Girlfriend?  
Sonic: No, I don't have a girlfriend. Not if you mean the castrating bitch I dumped last night.

_(Amy, freaked out, quickly rings bell)_

Amy: Girlfriend?  
Sonic: Sort of.  
Amy: What's a sort-of girlfriend?  
Sonic: My mother.

_(Amy gives Sonic an odd look then rings bell)_

Sonic: I just ended a relationship, actually.  
Amy: Oh.  
Sonic: Of rather long standing.  
Amy: I'm sorry to hear it  
Sonic: This is my first night out alone in a long time. I feel a little bit at sea, to tell you the truth.  
Amy: So you didn't stop to talk because you're a Moonie, or you have some weird political affiliation--?  
Sonic: Nope. Straight-down-the-ticket-Republican.

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: Straight-down-the-ticket-Democrat.

_(Amy rings bell) _

Sonic: Can I tell you something about politics?

(Amy rings b_ell)_

Sonic: I'd like to think of myself as a citizen of the universe.

_(Amy rings bell three times)_

Sonic: I'm unaffiliated.  
Amy: That's a relief. So am I.  
Sonic: I vote my beliefs.  
Amy: Labels are not important.  
Sonic: Labels are not important, exactly. Take me, for example. I mean, what does it matter if I had a two-point at college?

_(Amy rings bell)_

BILL-TABLE #3: Three-point at college?

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: Four-point at college? Or if I did come from Pittsburgh?

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: Cleveland?

_(Amy rings bell)_

BILL-TABLE #1: Jersey?

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: What's wrong with Cleveland?

_(Amy rings bell three times)_

Sonic: Westchester County?  
Amy: Sure.  
Sonic: I believe that a man is what he is.

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: A person is what he is.

_(Amy rings bell) _

Sonic: A person is…what they are.

Amy: I think so too.  
Sonic: I mean, so what if I admire Eggman?

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: So what if I had a total-body liposuction?

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: So what if I don't have a penis?

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: So what if I spent a year with the Freedom Fighters? I was acting on my convictions.  
Amy: Sure.  
Sonic: You just can't hang a sign on a person.  
Amy: Absolutely. I'll bet you're a Scorpio.

_(Sonic rings bell many times)_

Amy: Listen, I was headed to the movies after I finished this section. Would you like to come along?  
Sonic: That sounds like fun. What's playing?  
Amy: A couple of the really early Woody Allen movies.  
Sonic: Oh.  
Amy: You don't like Woody Allen?  
Sonic: Sure. I like Woody Allen.  
Amy: But you're not crazy about Woody Allen.  
Sonic: Those early ones kind of get on my nerves.  
Amy: Uh-huh.

_(Amy rings bell)_

Sonic: Y'know I was headed to the-  
Amy: _(simultaneously)_ I was thinking about-  
Sonic: I'm sorry.  
Amy: No, go ahead.  
Sonic: I was going to say that I was headed to the movies in a little while, and…  
Amy: So was I.  
Sonic: The Woody Allen festival?  
Amy: Just up the street.  
Sonic: Do you like the early ones?  
Amy: I think anybody who doesn't ought to be run off the planet.  
Sonic: How many times have you seen _Bananas_?  
Amy: Eight times.  
Sonic: Twelve. So are you still interested?  
Amy: Do you like chili dogs?  
Sonic: Last night I went out at two in the morning to get one. Did you have an Etch-a-Sketch as a child?  
Amy: Yes! And do you like Brussels sprouts?  
Sonic: No, I think they're disgusting!  
Amy: They are disgusting!  
Sonic: Do you still believe in marriage in spite of current sentiments against it?  
Amy: Yes.  
Sonic: And children?  
Amy: Three of them.  
Sonic: Two girls and a boy.  
Amy: Harvard, Vassar, and Brown.  
Sonic: And will you love me?  
Amy: Yes.  
Sonic: And cherish me forever?  
Amy: Yes.  
Sonic: Do you still want to go to the movies?  
Amy: Sure thing.

Both: Waiter!

--

Well, that wraps up the first chapter, you know, they had this play at my school, I auditioned and I didn't make it, but it was a small cast. Oh well, next time. I hope you enjoyed it and please R&R.


	2. The Philedephia

**Chapter 2: The Philedelphia**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

_Tails_ _rings call bell, but gets no answer. He rings twice to finally get service from Rouge_, the waitress, _who enters with a mug in one had and a coffee pot in the other._

Rouge: Can I help me?  
Tails: Do you know that you would look fantastic on a wide screen?  
Rouge: Uh-huh.  
Tails: Seventy millimeters.  
Rouge: Look. Do you want to see a menu, or what?  
Tails: Let's negotiate, here. What's the soup du jour today?  
Rouge: Soup of the day, you got your choice of Polish duck blood or cream of kidney.  
Tails: Beautiful. Beautiful! Kick me in a kidney.  
Rouge: You got it.  
Tails: Any oyster crackers on that seabed?  
Rouge: Nope. All out.  
Tails: Hope the specials today? Spread out your options.  
Rouge: You got your deep-fried gizzards.  
Tails: Fabulous.  
Rouge: Calves' brains with okra.  
Tails: You are a temptress.  
Rouge: And pickled pigs' feet.  
Tails: Pigs' feet. I love it. Put me down for a quadruped.  
Rouge: If you say so.  
Tails: Any sprouts to go on those feet?  
Rouge: Iceberg.  
Tails: So be it.  
_(Exit Rouge through kitchen. Enter Shadow, looking shaken and bedraggled.)_  
Shadow: Tails!  
Tails: Hey there, Shadow. What's up?  
Shadow: Jesus!  
Tails: What's going on, buddy?  
Shadow: Oh, man…!  
Tails: What's the matter? Sit down.  
Shadow: I don't get it, Tails. I don't understand it.  
Tails: You want something? You want a drink? I'll call the waiter-  
Shadow: No! No! Don't even try. I don't know what's going on today, Tails. It's really weird.  
Tails: What, like…?  
Shadow: Right from the time I got up.  
Tails: What is it? What's the story?  
Shadow: Well-just for example. This morning I stopped off at a drugstore to buy some aspirin. This is a big drugstore, right?  
Tails: Yeah…  
Shadow: I go up to the counter, the guy says what can I do for you, I say, Give me a bottle of aspirin. The guy gives me this funny look and he says, "Oh we don't have that, _sir_." I said to him, "You're a drugstore and you don't have any aspirin?"  
Tails: Did they have any Bufferin?  
Shadow: Yeah!  
Tails: Advil?  
Shadow: Yeah!  
Tails: Extra-strength Tylenol?  
Shadow: Yeah!  
Tails: But no aspirin.  
Shadow: No!  
Tails: Wow…  
Shadow: And that's the kind of weird thing that's been happening all day. It's like, I go to a newsstand to buy the News, the guy never even heard of it.  
Tails: Could've been a misunderstanding.  
Shadow: I asked everyplace-nobody had the News! I had to read the _Toronto Hairdresser_. Or this, I go into a deli at lunchtime to buy a sandwich, the guy tells me they don't have any pastrami. How can they be a deli if they don't have any pastrami?  
Tails: Was this a Korean deli?  
Shadow: This was a kosher-from-Jerusalem deli. "Oh, we don't carry that, _sir_," he says to me. "Have some tongue."  
Tails: Mmm.  
Shadow: I just into a cab, the guy tells me he doesn't go to Sixteenth Street. He offers to take me to Frisco instead!  
Tails: Mm-hm.  
Shadow: Looking at me like I'm an alien or something!  
Tails: Shadow. Settle down.  
Shadow: "Oh, I don't go there, _sir_."  
Tails: Settle down. Take a breath.  
Shadow: Do you know what this is?  
Tails: Sure.  
Shadow: What is it? What's happening to me?  
Tails: Don't panic. You're in a Philadelphia.  
Shadow: I'm in a what?  
Tails: You're in a Philadelphia. That's all.  
Shadow: But I'm in-  
Tails: Yes, physically you're in Station Square. But metaphysically you're in a Philadelphia.  
Shadow: I've never heard of this!  
Tails: You see, inside of what we know as reality there are these pockets, these black holes called Philadelphias. If you fall into one, you run up against exactly the kinda crap that's been happening to you all day.  
Shadow: Why?  
Tails: Because in a Philadelphia, no matter what you ask for, you can't get it. You ask for something, they're not gonna have it. You want to do something, it aint gonna get done. You want to go somewhere, you can't get there from here.  
Shadow: Good god. So this is very serious.  
Tails: Just remember, Shadow. This is a condition named for the town that invented the cheese steak. Something that nobody in their right mind would willingly ask for.  
Shadow: And I thought I was just having a very bad day…  
Tails: Sure. Millions of people have spent entire lifetimes inside a Philadelphia and never even knew it. Look at the city of Philadelphia itself. Hopelessly trapped forever inside a Philadelphia. And do they know it?  
Shadow: Well what can I do? Should I just kill myself now and get it over with?  
Tails: You try to kill yourself in a Philadelphia, you're only gonna get hurt.  
Shadow: What do I do?  
Tails: Best thing to do is wait it out. Someday the great cosmic train will whisk you out of the city of Brotherly Love and off the someplace happier.  
Shadow: You're pretty goddamned mellow today.  
Tails: Yeah well. Everybody has to be someplace.  
_(Rouge enters)_  
Rouge: Is your name Miles Prower?  
Tails: It is indeed.  
Rouge: There was a phone call for you. Your boss?  
Tails: Okay.  
Rouge: He says you're fired.  
Tails: Cool! Thanks. _(Rouge exits)_ So anyway, you have this problem…  
Shadow: Did she just say that you got fired?  
Tails: Yeah. I wonder what happened to my pigs' feet…  
Shadow: Tails!? You loved your job!  
Tails: Hey. No sweat!  
Shadow: How can you be so calm?  
Tails: Easy. You're in a Philadelphia? I woke up in a Los Angeles. And life is beautiful! You know Cosmo packed up and left me this morning.  
Shadow: Cosmo left you?  
Tails: And frankly Shadow, I don't give a shit. I say, go and God bless and may your dating pool be Olympic-sized.  
Shadow: But your job? The mechanical industry was your life!  
Tails: So I'll turn it into a movie script and sell it to Sega. Toss in a little adventure, add a little emotional blah-blah-blah, pitch it to Jack and Dusty, you got a video game with a mechanical background. Not relevant enough? We'll throw in the hole in the ozone, make it E.C.  
Shadow: EC?  
Tails: Environmentally correct. Have you about this hole in the ozone?  
Shadow: Sure.  
Tails: Shadow, I love this concept. I embrace this ozone. Sure, some people are gonna get hurt in the process. Meantime, everybody else'll tan a little faster.  
Shadow: So this is a Los Angeles…  
Tails: Well. Everybody has to be someplace.  
Shadow: Wow.  
Tails: You want my advice? Enjoy your Philadelphia. Sit back and order yourself a beer and a burger and chill out for a while.  
Shadow: But I can't order anything. Life is great for you out there on the cosmic beach. Whatever I ask for, I'll get a cheese steak or something.  
Tails: No. There's a very simple rule of thumb in a Philadelphia. Ask for the opposite.  
Shadow: What?  
Tails: If you can't get what you ask for, ask for the opposite and you'll get what you want. You want the News, ask for the Times. You want pastrami, ask for tongue.  
Shadow: Oh.  
Tails: Works great with women. What is more opposite than the opposite sex?  
Shadow: Uh-huh .  
Tails: So. Would you like a Bud?  
Shadow: I sure could use a-  
Tails: No. Stop. Do you want…a Bud?  
Shadow: No. I don't want a Bud.  
_(Enter Rouge from kitchen to clean neighboring tables.)_  
Tails: Good. Now there's the waitress. Order yourself a Bud and a burger. But don't ask for a Bud and a burger.  
Shadow: Waitress!  
Tails: Don't call her. She won't come.  
Shadow: Oh.  
Tails: You're in a Philadelphia, so just figure, screw her.  
Shadow: Screw her.  
Tails: You don't need that waitress.  
Shadow: Screw that waitress.  
Tails: And everything to do with her.  
Shadow: Hey, waitress! SCREW YOU!  
(Rouge turns to him)  
Rouge: Can I help you?  
Tails: That's how you get service in a Philadelphia.  
Rouge: Can I help you?  
Shadow: Uh-no thanks.  
Rouge: Okay, what'll you have?  
Tails: Excellent.  
Shadow: Well-how about some O.J.?  
Rouge: Sorry. Squeezer's broken  
Shadow: A glass of milk?  
Rouge: Cow's dry.  
Shadow: Egg nog?  
Rouge: Just ran out.  
Shadow: Cuppa coffee?  
Rouge: Oh we don't have that, _sir_.  
Shadow: Got any ale?  
Rouge: Nope.  
Shadow: Porter?  
Rouge: Just beer.  
Shadow: That's too bad. How about a Heineken?  
Rouge: Heineken? Try again.  
Shadow: Rolling Rock?  
Rouge: Outta stock.  
Shadow: Schlitz?  
Rouge: Nix.  
Shadow: Beck's?  
Rouge: Next.  
Shadow: Sapporo?  
Rouge: Tomorrow.  
Shadow: Lone Star?  
Rouge: Hardy-har.  
Shadow: Bud Lite?  
Rouge: Just plain Bud is all we got.  
Shadow: No thanks.  
Rouge: _(calls)_ Gimmie a Bud!_ (To MARCY)_ Anything to eat?  
Shadow: Nope.  
Rouge: Name it.  
Shadow: Pork chops.  
Rouge: Hamburger…  
Shadow: Medium.  
Rouge: Well done…  
Shadow: Baked potato.  
Rouge: Fries…  
Shadow: And some zucchini.  
Rouge: Slice of raw. _(Exits, calling)_ Burn one!  
Tails: Shadow, that was excellent.  
Shadow: Thank you.  
Tails: Excellent. You sure you've never done this before?  
Shadow: I've spent so much of my life asking for the wrong thing without knowing it, doing it on purpose comes easy.  
Tails: I hear you.  
Shadow: I could've saved myself a lot of trouble if I'd screwed up on purpose all those years. Maybe I was in a Philadelphia all along and never knew it!  
Tails: You might have been in a Baltimore. They're practically the same.  
_(Rouge enters with a bottle of beer and a plate)_  
Rouge: Okay. Here's your Bud. And one cheese steak._ (Starts to leave)_  
Tails: Excuse me. Hey. Wait a minute. What is that?  
Rouge: It's a cheese steak.  
Tails: No. I ordered cream of kidney and two pairs of feet.  
Rouge: Oh we don't have that, sir.  
Tails: I beg your pardon?  
Rouge: We don't have that, sir.  
Tails: You son of a bitch! I'm in your Philadelphia!  
Shadow: I'm sorry, Tails.  
Tails: You brought me into your Philadelphia!  
Shadow: I didn't know it was contagious.  
Tails: Oh God, please don't let me be in a Philadelphia! Don't let me be in a-  
Shadow: Shouldn't you ask for the opposite? I mean, since you're in a Phila-  
Tails: Don't tell me about life in a Philadelphia!  
Shadow: Maybe you're not really-  
Tails: I taught you everything you know about Philly, asshole! Don't tell me how to act in a Philadelphia.  
Shadow: But maybe you're not really in a Philadelphia!  
Tails: Do you see the cheese on that steak? What do I need for proof? The friggin' Liberty Bell? Waitress, bring me a glass of water.  
Rouge: Water? Don't have that, sir.  
Tails: "We don't have water"-? What, do you think we're in a sudden drought or something? _(Suddenly realizes) _Holy shit, I just lost my job…! Steve left me! I gotta make some phone calls! _(To Rouge)_ 'Scuse me, where's the payphone?  
Rouge: Sorry, we don't have a payph-  
Tails: Of course you don't have a payphone, of course you don't! Oh shit, let me outta here!_ (Exit Tails)_  
Shadow: I don't know. It's not that bad in a Philadelphia.  
Rouge: Could be worse. I've been in a Cleveland all week.  
Shadow: A Cleveland? What's that like?  
Rouge: It's like death, without the advantages.  
Shadow: Really. Care to stand?  
Rouge: Don't mind if I do. _(She sits)_  
Shadow: I hope you won't reveal your name.  
Rouge: Rouge.  
Shadow: Good-bye.  
Rouge: Hello._ (They shake)_  
Shadow: _(Indicating cheese steak) _Want to starve?  
Rouge: Thanks. _(Picks up sandwich and starts to eat)_  
Shadow: Yeah, everybody has to be someplace…So.

--

Well, there you have it. I could've used Knuckles, but I already put Shadow in. Maybe you can imagine Knuckles being Shadow next time you read this chapter. Okay guys, you're gonna be dissapointed when I say this, but I decided not to audition for American Idol this year. I'm just not experienced enough, but I will keep practicing. I added a new poll in case you're interested, and I updated my profile, check it out. Thank you for reading, and please review.


End file.
